Simple strategies to feel comfortable playing golf with strangers
One of the most intimidating aspects of golf for many people is being paired up with strangers for a round. I hear this concern frequently from women in our leagues and clinics: "What if I hold them up?" "What if I embarrass myself?" "What if they're much better than me?"
It’s possible to avoid playing golf with strangers altogether. Here’s how: always book your tee times with 3 other girlfriends.
When you and 3 of your golf besties can rock the course on a regular basis, you know you’ve reached the social golf nirvana. Until that time, you’ll brave the tee sheet as a single, double or threesome and risk getting paired up with golfers you don’t know.
The aversion to playing with strangers is completely normal, especially at the start of your golf journey.
In fact, in my recent interviews with women golfers, nearly all of them mentioned some version of this anxiety. Karen shared, "Right now, I worry I'd look like a fool and I wouldn't golf with people who I know are good because I'd hold them up."
But here's the truth: with a few simple strategies, playing with strangers can actually become one of the most enjoyable aspects of golf. Let me share some approaches that have helped the women in our Queen City Links Ladies community overcome this hurdle.
Be the first one to break the ice
Once you check in at the pro shop or with the starter, he or she lets you know who the other players are in your group for your tee time. They might tell you a name, or a golf cart number, or maybe gesture to the person if they are in the immediate area.
Take the lead on setting up the good vibes for your round. Seek out your playing partners at the driving range or at the first tee, and introduce yourself.
Be honest about your skill level. The vast majority of golfers will value your honesty & appreciate you keeping proper pace of play, and will not be worried about your skill level.
Pro tip: Write their names down on your scorecard. Sometimes I even give myself a hint like I might jot down the color of the person’s shirt or whether they are the driver or the passenger in the other golf cart to really make sure I know who is who.
Figure out the format
Take a couple minutes to chat about some things that will help you have a smooth round:
Identify the tees each player will play from.
Identify each players golf ball they’ll use for the round.
Ask if they like the flag in or out on the greens.
Verify that you are playing ready-golf (this is really common in my experience, but it’s good to ask & verify). Ready golf means that you’ll tee off in the order in which each player is ready to hit (versus playing Honors which means the person who scored the best on the last hole will tee off first).
Sprinkle in small talk
When you play golf with friends, you will absolutely chat a little bit throughout the round. With strangers, you want to create a similar dynamic, because nobody likes awkward or tense silence moments. At the same time, you don’t want to go overboard with talking. You definitely want to avoid going too deep on any subject, keeping it light and positive.
Here are some golf-related and non-golf related conversation starters:
Have you played this course before? If so, what’s their favorite hole?
Are you from the area? or Where do you live around the area?
What’s your favorite golf course to play in this area?
What do you do for work?
You might look at their golf bag or head covers for clues about their favorite sports teams, their alma mater, or other things that might be a conversation starter.
Definitely AVOID discussing politics and religion. If you feel the conversation is heading in this direction, try to come up with something - anything - to change the subject. The last thing you need is any kind of emotionally charged conversation - this will thwart your ability to get into a flow state with your golf.
The trick is training your mind to smoothly alternate between casual small talk with your playing partners and focus in the moment when you are standing over your golf ball. When you can mentally shift gears back and forth in this way, it becomes really easy to play with anyone. Keep the conversation light, fun and positive and you’ll be golden.
Tough love time: get over yourself
I love the GFore brand and some of their hats and shirts say, “Nobody cares what you shot.” It’s true.
I know it feels like all eyes are on you, and I know it feels so disheartening when you’re seemingly not as skilled as your playing partners - but I promise you that THEY are more concerned about their own games than anything you are doing or not doing.
When you are apologizing for a bad shot, or in your head fretting over a missed putt, or cursing out loud or under your breath for missing the fairway yet again… well, you are making the golf round all about YOU and your last shot. It’s your round, but it’s not all about YOU.
Listen, I’m super guilty of doing this especially early on in my golf experience. I literally cried once on the 10th hole when I was on a golf trip. It is embarrassing to think about now, but I got so worked up and upset I had to let it out. But I learned from it…
Just like conversation with others, your internal self-talk needs to be light, fun and positive. It doesn’t serve you at all to beat yourself up.
In order to stay present in the moment, and quiet the anxious monkey brain in your head, take time to notice the positive things that your playing partners are doing and dole out compliments to them. It will pump them up.
Genuine compliments acknowledging good shots out loud to your playing partners creates a positive atmosphere. Everyone wants to play golf with someone who creates these good vibes.
If you’re having trouble staying present, try the 5-4-3-2-1 strategy by telling yourself to find…
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can smell
2 things you can touch
1 thing you can taste
Directing the focus of your thoughts to your senses will keep your mind occupied helping you avoid those anxious self-criticizing thoughts.
Key Takeaways
Most golfers you encounter on the course are going to be friendly and understanding. They have been in your shoes at one point.
Keeping up with pace of play is really important - so if you’re having a tough hole don’t be afraid to pickup the golf ball to keep the flow going.
Playing with strangers is actually great for you because you will undoubtedly learn something by watching the other player’s golf game. Whether it’s the unique way they waggle their club, mark their ball, or the cool gadget they’re using for yardage - you’ll pickup something interesting to ponder.
Though you might still be self-conscious about your own game, using these tips you’ll be well positioned as the supportive, helpful and positive playing partner that people will surely love to play a round with. I hope you will put these strategies into practice the next time you are paired up with strangers.
